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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.

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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Fly Love Money Reality Truth
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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I only write first editions.
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Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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I love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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All geniuses die young.
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Die Genius One Liner Young
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Doubt Interfere Marriage People Romance Sex Wife
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present

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