Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARXI never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARX -
I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX