Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
GROUCHO MARXI love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Room service? Send up a larger room.
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All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX