I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARXI love my cigar too, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whatever it is, I’m against it.
GROUCHO MARX