“Would a fly without wings be called a walk?”

Always do whatever’s next.

If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.

I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.

If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.

What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.

A diamond is a piece of coal that stuck to the job.

Nothing in the world is ever completely wrong. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

If you don’t think of the future, you won’t have one.

Just because someone isn’t willing or able to love us, it doesn’t mean that we are unlovable.

The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life.

Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer.

We simply attempt to be fearful when others are greedy and to be greedy only when others are fearful.

It is not easy to keep silent when silence is a lie.