Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN