Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
GEORGE CARLINThere’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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The wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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The older you get, the better you realize you were.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
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Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN