If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLINThere’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
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With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN







