Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARXI find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
GROUCHO MARX -
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time wounds all heels.
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No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX -
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARX