Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINThe wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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Is there another word for synonym?
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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Religion is just mind control.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
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Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
GEORGE CARLIN