“I intend to live forever, or die trying.”

If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

I’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.

I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!

All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.

A thing is not necessarily true because a man dies for it.

If you are born poor its not your mistake, But if you die poor its your mistake.

If music be the food of love, play on, Give me excess of it; that surfeiting, The appetite may sicken, and so die.

But to find out the truth about how dreams die, one should never take the word of the dreamer.

Feeling free, let us fly, into the boundless, beyond the sky, for we were born to never die.

Get busy living or get busy dying.

If you never take risks, you’ll never accomplish great things. Everybody dies, but not everyone has lived.

A man with outward courage dares to die; a man with inner courage dares to live.