The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
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Age is a hell of a price to pay for wisdom.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Religion is just mind control.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLIN