One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.
GROUCHO MARXSomebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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I must admit, I was born at an early age.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
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Anything that can’t be done in bed isn’t worth doing at all.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Hollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
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Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
GROUCHO MARX






