Pardon me I’ve got nothing to say.
GEORGE CARLINThe older you get, the better you realize you were.
More George Carlin Quotes
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I don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
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I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is like a pair of shoes. Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Let a smile be your umbrella, and you’ll end up with a face full of rain.
GEORGE CARLIN -
We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.
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I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Would a fly without wings be called a walk?
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Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
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If a turtle doesn’t have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
GEORGE CARLIN