Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXTime flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX