A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXIf you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
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I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
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If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
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A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.
GROUCHO MARX






