I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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I intend to live forever, or die trying.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
GROUCHO MARX -
My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
GROUCHO MARX