When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARXMilitary intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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She got her looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
GROUCHO MARX -
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
GROUCHO MARX -
Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances.
GROUCHO MARX -
Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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I don’t know why, but whenever I dream of a nurse she always has red hair.
GROUCHO MARX






