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Before I speak, I have something important to say.

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If you’re not having fun, you’re doing something wrong.
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I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
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Time wounds all heels.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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Who says Television isn’t educational, as soon as the T.V. comes on I read a book.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Go, and never darken my towels again.
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I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
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