Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARXNext time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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If you are one of those lucky persons who own a pen that writes underwater, you might try living in a swimming pool.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARX -
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you write about yourself the slightest deviation makes you realize instantly that there may be honor among thieves, but you are just a dirty liar.
GROUCHO MARX -
Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
GROUCHO MARX -
All geniuses die young.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
GROUCHO MARX -
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX