I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn’t show the dirt.
PHYLLIS DILLERBest way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
More Phyllis Diller Quotes
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I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.
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I spent seven hours in a beauty shop… and that was for the estimate.
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The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
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The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.
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My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
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I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
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I will never give up. I am in my 14th year of a 10-day beauty plan.
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They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!
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I was the world’s ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
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If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.
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My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.
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Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.
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You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
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I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.
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Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
PHYLLIS DILLER