Life is just a bowl of pits.
RODNEY DANGERFIELDI’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
More Rodney Dangerfield Quotes
-
-
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
If it wasn’t for pick-pockets I’d have no sex life at all.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD -
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask.
RODNEY DANGERFIELD






