When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.
ALAN KINGAs a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
More Alan King Quotes
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If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.
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Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing.
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I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
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Marriage is nature’s way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.
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Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.
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One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, ‘It’s a little cloudy.’ I took the tube from her and said, ‘Let me run it through again,’ and drank it. The nurse fainted.
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The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
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We watch society. As society behaves, then we have the ability to make fun of it.
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You know you are getting old when people tell you how good you look.
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You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
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A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let’s eat!
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For me, that wasn’t such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time.
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I don’t mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.
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There’s nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.
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Now that’s better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.
ALAN KING






