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As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.

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Better Father Parent

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And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody?
ALAN KING

Always Art Even Humour Somebody Want Weapon
As a parent, I’d – I’d be a better father.
ALAN KING

Better Father Parent
I’m only… I’m only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I’m a… I’m just screaming all over the place with joy.
ALAN KING

Bad Good Joy Over Place Review Scream Unhappy
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator…
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Grub Hypochondriac Miser Money Worrywart
I think one of the big things about comedy is the ability for the audience to identify.
ALAN KING

Audience Big Comedy Identity Thing Think
As life’s pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs.
ALAN KING

Egg Except Food Life Only Pleasure Salami Second Sex
One thing I’ve never said in my whole life is, ‘Let’s have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.’
ALAN KING

Country Dinner Life One Restaurant Thing Whole
If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books.
ALAN KING

Book Love Marriage Read Separate Two Want
The ability to absorb a book and make someone else’s words and story your own was exactly was I was doing on stage.
ALAN KING

Ability Absorb Book Else Exactly Make Someone Stage Story Word
If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.
ALAN KING

Atom Think Expense Great Humor Someone Something
My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn’t let him cut my nails.
ALAN KING

Brother College Cut Him Member Nail Physician Surgeon Youngest
I won’t eat in a place that has suits of armor.
ALAN KING

Armor Eat Place Suit
My son says I never tell stories about anyone who’s living.
ALAN KING

Ability Audience Comedy Identity never Say Son Story Tell
I had a sympathetic role in ‘thirtysomething,’ and in two weeks I’m going to do the role again.
ALAN KING

Again Go Role Something Sympathetic Thirty Two Week
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
ALAN KING

Bran Fifteen Last Live Longer Spend Toilet Year
When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That’s what the trees are all about.
ALAN KING

All Birthday Celebrate Everybody Father Kid Tell Tree Use

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