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One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I’ll never know.

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Elephant Funny Humour Morning Pajama

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX

Insult One Liner Respect
He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Demotivate Idiot Insult Life Stupidity
I’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
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Ex Girl Look Pain Past Sad
We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
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Drunk Febuary Morning
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Book Humour Laughter Moments Read
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy
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Freedom Money Thinking
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
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Bless Crack Light One Liner
I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
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Bad Day Evening Wonderful
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Attitude Confidence
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
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Cause Chief Divorce Marriage One Liner
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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Footprint Photography Socks Upstairs
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
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Choose Happiness Misery Money
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
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Finding Happiness Hard Time Healing Laugh
Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Interest Naked Sex True

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