Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Everyone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
GROUCHO MARX -
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARX -
Die in the West and you’re halfway to Heaven.
GROUCHO MARX -
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARX -
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARX -
If I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX -
I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
GROUCHO MARX -
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.
GROUCHO MARX -
I must admit, I was born at an early age.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Any place I hang my head is home.
GROUCHO MARX






