Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARXMarriage is the chief cause of divorce.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Any place I hang my head is home.
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Whatever it is, I’m against it.
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Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
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Why don’t you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?
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Before I speak, I have something important to say.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men – the other 999 follow women.
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Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
GROUCHO MARX