If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARXIf you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.
GROUCHO MARXNo one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
GROUCHO MARXDo you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARXMy mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.
GROUCHO MARXBlessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve got a good mind to go out and join a club and beat you over the head with it.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve been looking for a girl like you – not you, but a girl like you.
GROUCHO MARXEach morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today.
GROUCHO MARXLearn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARXIf you’ve heard this story before, don’t stop me, because I’d like to hear it again.
GROUCHO MARXHollywood brides keep the bouquets and throw away the grooms.
GROUCHO MARXI’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
GROUCHO MARXA year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARXA child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARXNext time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
GROUCHO MARXIf I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
GROUCHO MARX