A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
GROUCHO MARXEveryone must believe in something. I believe I’ll have another beer.
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
GROUCHO MARX -
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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We left New York drunk and early on the morning of February second.
GROUCHO MARX -
When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun’.
GROUCHO MARX -
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
GROUCHO MARX -
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
GROUCHO MARX -
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
GROUCHO MARX -
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
GROUCHO MARX -
Humour is reason gone mad.
GROUCHO MARX -
Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that.
GROUCHO MARX -
Room service? Send up a larger room.
GROUCHO MARX -
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
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A year ago I came here without a nickle in my pocket, now, I’ve got a nickle in my pocket.
GROUCHO MARX






