Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINMen are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
More George Carlin Quotes
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed.
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One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
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Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it.
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Don’t confuse me with those who cling to hope.
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Religion is just mind control.
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If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.
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When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
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Meow means woof in cat.
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I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
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The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.
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I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
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If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.
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Religion is like drugs, it destroys the thinking mind.
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There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
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Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
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Always do whatever’s next.
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We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN