“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends.

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass.

By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

How can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.

Religion is just mind control.

The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.

Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.

So far as I ever observed God’s dealings with my soul, the flights of preachers sometimes entertained me, but it was Scripture expressions which did penetrate my heart, and in a way peculiar to themselves.

People who hate trouble generally get a good deal of it.

Honestly, it’s hard to deal with the haters, but something that has helped me is not to focus on the haters and to focus on the nice people!

The beating on the tail of the snake may stop his progress a little, but the more vital parts must be struck before his poisonous death-dealing venom will be wiped out.

Dealing with my own life takes priority over other people dealing with my life.

A word carries far, very far, deals destruction through time as the bullets go flying through space.

The one place where a man ought to get a square deal is in a courtroom, be he any color of the rainbow, but people have a way of carrying their resentments right into a jury box.

I think the reason people are dealing with science less well now than 50 years ago is that it has become so complicated.