Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
More George Carlin Quotes
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A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.
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What do dogs do on their day off?; Can’t lie around – that’s their job!
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The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.
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The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
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There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
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Electricity is really just organized lightning.
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I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in.
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People can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
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There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
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It’s never just a game when you’re winning.
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Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.
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I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.
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The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN