You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGANI can speak Esperanto like a native.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
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I told you I was sick.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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In the human race today, you came last.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN