“I can speak Esperanto like a native.”

If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.

There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.

Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

God made night, But man made darkness.

I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.

I told you I was sick.

I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.

That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can’t say ‘No’ in any of them.

For one kiss, darling, I swear everything I would give. Cause you’re a walking, talking reason to live.

Speak but little, and that little only when thy own purposes require it. Heaven has given thee two ears but only one tongue, which means: listen to two things, but be not the first to propose one.

I believe in the power of journalism. To make informed decisions, you have to have an understanding of the dynamics of a situation. And journalism does bridge gaps and creates dialogue.

Well I got this guitar and I learned how to make it talk.

Some stories don’t need telling.

I opened my mouth, almost said something. Almost. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I had. But I didn’t.

I am in love with every church And mosque And temple And any kind of shrine Because I know it is there That people say the different names Of the One God.