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I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.

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If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.
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Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
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Life is a whim of several billion cells to be you for a while
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I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
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I love to read. My education is self-inflicted.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can never live long enough to make them all yourself.
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He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don’t let that fool you. He really is an idiot.
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Somebody once said it’s what you dont see you’re interested in, and this is true.
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Don’t look now, but there’s one man too many in this room, and I think it’s you.
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Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.
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Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and you’re probably watching the wrong channel.
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From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them, well I have others.
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