Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINRegarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.
GEORGE CARLINI like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINInstead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLINWeather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.
GEORGE CARLINThere are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.
GEORGE CARLINPeople love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can’t do math.
GEORGE CARLINMost people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLINLaugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLINAlways do whatever’s next.
GEORGE CARLINConservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLINPeople always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLINNot only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLINFighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
GEORGE CARLINI don’t have hobbies; hobbies cost money. Interests are quite free.
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLIN