I’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLINI’ll bet there aren’t too many people hooked on crack who can play the bagpipes.
GEORGE CARLINOne good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLINI had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLINSome people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be.
GEORGE CARLINIsn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?
GEORGE CARLINI think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
GEORGE CARLINA house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLINIf your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both fucked.
GEORGE CARLINIf someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
GEORGE CARLINThe wisest man I ever knew taught me something I never forgot.
GEORGE CARLINI would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLINI put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed.
GEORGE CARLINPeople can’t seem to get it through their heads that there is never any healing or closure.
GEORGE CARLINDon’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.
GEORGE CARLINOne tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
GEORGE CARLINIs there another word for synonym?
GEORGE CARLIN