There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
GEORGE CARLINWith the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.
More George Carlin Quotes
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People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
The God excuse, the last refuge of a man with no answers and no argument.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
GEORGE CARLIN -
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLIN -
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Sometimes a little brain damage can help.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If you can’t beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
GEORGE CARLIN