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Here’s to our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet!

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Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.
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Fly Love Money Reality Truth
Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse.
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Almony Dead Divorce Funny Horse Pay
A man is only as old as the woman he feels.
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All geniuses die young.
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Die Genius One Liner Young
Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.
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Arrive Dead Future Happiness Inspirational Life Past Present
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
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Time wounds all heels.
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Healing Inspirational Life One Liner Time Wound
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
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Applesauce Cranberry Taste
Well, art is art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water!
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Art Humour Water
Go, and never darken my towels again.
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Angry Funny One Liner Towel
We’ll meet at the theater tonight. I’ll hold your seat ’til you get there. Once you get there; you’re on your own.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Just give me a comfortable couch, a dog, a good book, and a woman.
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The trouble with writing a book about yourself is that you can’t fool around.
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Book Fools Trouble Writing Yourself
In studying your basic metabolism, we first listen to your heart’s beat.
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Education Heart Heart Beat Listen Metabolism Study
I’m not crazy about reality, but it’s still the only place to get a decent meal.
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Crazy Decent Life Meal Place Reality

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