Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.
GROUCHO MARXIf I hold you any closer I’ll be in back of you!
More Groucho Marx Quotes
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Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
GROUCHO MARX -
Do you mind if I don’t smoke?
GROUCHO MARX -
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
GROUCHO MARX -
If you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce, they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does.
GROUCHO MARX -
I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.
GROUCHO MARX -
I only write first editions.
GROUCHO MARX -
I never go to movies where the hero’s tits are bigger than the heroine’s.
GROUCHO MARX -
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.
GROUCHO MARX -
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GROUCHO MARX -
All people are born alike except Republicans and Democrats.
GROUCHO MARX -
Once I put it down I couldn’t pick it back up.
GROUCHO MARX -
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
GROUCHO MARX -
A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
GROUCHO MARX -
While money can’t buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.
GROUCHO MARX -
I wouldn’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.
GROUCHO MARX