Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.
GEORGE CARLINInstead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I have lots of ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull shit they teach you in school.
GEORGE CARLIN -
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot’s hands.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
GEORGE CARLIN -
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLIN -
The safest place to be during an earthquake would be in a stationary store.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
GEORGE CARLIN -
People always tell me “Have a nice day.” Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to have a crappy day?
GEORGE CARLIN -
Religion is just mind control.
GEORGE CARLIN -
If we could only find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.
GEORGE CARLIN -
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
GEORGE CARLIN