“It’s important in life if you don’t give a shit. It can help you a lot.”

Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.

Regarding the fitness craze: America has lost its soul; now it’s trying to save its body.

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

Life is tough, then you die.

A cat will blink when struck with a hammer.

Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders.

I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.

I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so fuckin’ heroic.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity.

With the proper training, I could’ve been an evil genius.

I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.

Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.

If you can, help others; if you cannot do that, at least do not harm them.

If you don’t plan your time, someone else will help you waste it.

There is no better way to thank God for your sight than by giving a helping hand to someone in the dark.

Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.

We all want to help one another. Human beings are like that.

Anybody will do for you, but not for me. I must have somebody.

Live for yourself and you will live in vain; Live for others, and you will live again.

My costume helps me to express my conception of the average man, of almost any man, of myself.