I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood.
GEORGE CARLINHow can he be perfect? Everything he ever makes, dies.
More George Carlin Quotes
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Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink,I think female alcoholics ought to be told not to fuck.
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One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fires, what do freedom fighters fight?
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Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away.
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By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.
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The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.
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People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point.
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There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.
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Avoid teams at all cost. Keep your circle small. Never join a group that has a name.
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Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
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I’ve never owned a telescope, but it’s something I’m thinking of looking into.
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Everyone smiles in the same language.
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Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
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Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
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Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
GEORGE CARLIN