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Imagine how weird phones would look if your mouth was nowhere near your ears.

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Appearance Imagination Phone Weird Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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Lost Myself Place Thinking
I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.
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Addiction Difference Myself Quit
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
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If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
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I went for a walk last night and she asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, ‘The whole time.
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How come abbreviated is such a long word?
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Control Death Game Yourself
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
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If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?
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Country Funny Nation People
It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard? Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
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If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?
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Children Funny Hands Himself Mom
If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.
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If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
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Destroy Evidence Success Try Yourself
The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
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How do you get off a non-stop flight?
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Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
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Experience Need Yourself
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
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Day Life Yourself
In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’
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A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
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There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
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Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety one?
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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Act Attitude Head Herself Live Scare Yourself
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.
STEVEN WRIGHT

Believe Funny Himself Man Stars Touch

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