“If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell.”

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon’s appointments.

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.

I was sad because I had no shoes, until I met a man who had no feet. So I said, “Got any shoes you’re not using?

All those who believe in psychokinesis – raise my hand.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

If a mute kid swears, should his mother wash his hands with soap?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

I’m addicted to placebos. I could quit, but it wouldn’t matter.

I am writing a book. So far I have the pages numbered.

If Dracula can’t see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’

I also found that for myself, since I’ve had no religious education, it was so interesting to see the different versions of heaven and what life on earth means.

And now I am ready to keep running When the sun rises beyond the borderlands of death. I already see mountain ridges in the heavenly forest Where, beyond every essence, a new essence awaits.

Heaven and earth fight in vain against a dunce!

We touch heaven when we lay our hand on a human body!

The dignity of man into your hands is given; Oh, keep it well, with you it sinks or lifts itself to heaven.

How evil life must be if it were indeed necessary that such imploring cries, such cries of physical and moral wretchedness, should ever and ever ascend to heaven!

I am my own heaven and hell!

Have Faith. Where’er thy bark is driven, – The calm’s disport, the tempest’s mirth, – Know this: God rules the hosts of heaven, The habitants of earth.