Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
STEVE MARTINThe greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTIN






