I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTINI guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
STEVE MARTIN