How many people have never raised their hand before?
STEVE MARTINNow let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Dinosaurs did not walk with humans. The evolutionary record says different. They gambled.
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I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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