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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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No art comes from the conscious mind.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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