Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
STEVE MARTINAll I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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I will do anything to look like him – except, of course, exercise or eat right.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.
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Despite a lack of natural ability, I did have the one element necessary to all early creativity: naïveté, that fabulous quality that keeps you from knowing just how unsuited you are for what you are about to do.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
STEVE MARTIN