“Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.”

I really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.

Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.

Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!

Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.

It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.

Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent.

Be so good they can’t ignore you.

You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

How many people have never raised their hand before?

Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.

When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.

I was deeply unhappy, but I didn’t know it because I was so happy all the time.

I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.