I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
STEVE MARTINI really enjoy finding the right word, creating a good, flowing sentence. I enjoy the rhythm of the words.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you’ll be a mile away and have his shoes.
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Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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I believe the United States should allow all foreigners in this country, provided they can speak our native language… Apache.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
STEVE MARTIN