I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.
STEVE MARTINI could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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Always make room for the unexpected in yourself.
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I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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It was essential that I never show doubt about what I was doing.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.
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You can’t really conduct your life by one or two phrases.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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The conscious mind is the editor, and the subconscious mind is the writer.
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Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
STEVE MARTIN