I actually learned about sex watching neighborhood dogs. And it was good. Go ahead and laugh. I think the most important thing I learned was: Never let go of the girl’s leg, no matter how hard she tries to shake you off.
STEVE MARTINAlways do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
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Some nights, alone, he thinks of her, and some nights, alone, she thinks of him. Some night these thoughts, separated by miles and time zones, occur at the same objective moment, and Ray and Mirabelle are connected without ever knowing it.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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It’s not what you know, it’s what you think you know.
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I’ve got to keep breathing. It’ll be my worst business mistake if I don’t.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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I was always very shy but as I get older I think, What am I being shy for? You just grow weary of your own hang-ups.
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Chaos in the midst of chaos isn’t funny, but chaos in the midst of order is.
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Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
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Always do business as if the person you’re doing business with is trying to screw you, because he probably is. And if he’s not, you can be pleasantly surprised.
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It’s not the size of the nose that matters, it’s what’s inside that counts.
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Be so good they can’t ignore you.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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A father carries pictures where his money used to be.
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First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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When I die, now don’t think that I’m a nut, don’t want no fancy funeral, just one like old King Tut.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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I started a grease fire at McDonald’s – threw a match in the cook’s hair.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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It’s pain that changes our lives.
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