First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
STEVE MARTINI’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
More Steve Martin Quotes
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Don’t have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.
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You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
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Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
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The greatest thing you can do is surprise yourself.
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How to make a million dollars: First, get a million dollars.
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How many people have never raised their hand before?
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I could never be a woman, ’cause I’d just stay home and play with my breasts all day.
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There’s someone out there for everyone – even if you need a pickaxe, a compass, and night goggles to find them.
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All I’ve ever wanted was an honest week’s pay for an honest day’s work.
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You have to get comfortable with your work, you really have to know what you’re doing, and it has to be almost boring to you to be able to do it well.
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Acting is collaborative because you are working with another actor, and it’s almost like a two-man juggling team. You have to really be in sync.
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Acting has helped me understand people, not only because you are acting as a character, but also because you are watching other actors work. That really helps you identify in life when someone is acting, not being true.
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Teaching is, after all, a form of show business.
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Now let’s repeat the non-conformists’ oath: I promise to be different! I promise to be unique! I promise not to repeat things other people say! Good!
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Some people have a way with words, and other people; oh, uh, not have way.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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I love money. I love everything about it.
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I have found that– just as in real life–imagination sometimes has to stand in for experience.
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The banjo is such a happy instrument–you can’t play a sad song on the banjo – it always comes out so cheerful.
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With comedy, you never know until you put it in front of an audience. You shoot it and a year later you have no idea if it’s going to work. And then you get the response. It’s great when it’s good.
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There is one thing I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with another woman. I won’t stand for that.
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I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.
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Thankfully, persistence is a great substitute for talent.
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Through the years, I have learned there is no harm in charging oneself up with delusions between moments of valid inspiration.
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I’m not trying to be a big shot or anything like that, but I get my drinks half price.
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I just downloaded eleven hundred books onto my Kindle, and now I can’t lift it.
STEVE MARTIN