My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
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In the human race today, you came last.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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If a man dies when you hang him, keep hanging him until he gets used to it.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN