Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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Life is a long agonized illness only curable by death.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






