Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANPolicemen are numbered in case they get lost.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
SPIKE MILLIGAN