To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANIf I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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A lot of learning can be a little thing.
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You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Its all in the mind, you know.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN






