black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

Spike Milligan

In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Farm Hands Himself Wife
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Occasion Protection
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Planning Preparation Wrong
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Himself Marriage Perfection
My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Age Confusion Father Myself Name
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Education Funny Start
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Listening Myself Pain Talk
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Beautiful Eyes
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Joke Laughter Myself Sing
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Class Expectation Morning Yourself
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Heart Love Nation Patriot Yourself

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Spike Milligan Quotes