My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
SPIKE MILLIGANI thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Her mother was a cultivated woman – she was born in a greenhouse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I can speak Esperanto like a native.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
We haven’t got a plan so nothing can go wrong!
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Render any politician down and there’s enough fat to fry an egg.
SPIKE MILLIGAN