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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

Spike Milligan

I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself
Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Myself Plant Return
Australia, Australia, we love you from the heart. The kidneys, the liver & the giblets too. And every other part.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Funny Heart Love Nation Patriot Yourself
Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Children Dog Funny Rich
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Farm Hands Himself Wife
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Country Enough Fools Funny People Politics Time Yourself
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Identity Myself One Liner Thinking
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Born Death Myself People
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
In the human race today, you came last.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Human Race Yourself
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Case Lost Number
There is a time to live, a time to die, a time to laugh, and at no time are the three of them very far apart.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Death Far Laughter Live Time
A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Animal Worth
I shook hands with a friendly Arab. I still have my right arm to prove it.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Evidence Friendship Hands Myself
This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Escape Eyes Loud Silence Work Yourself

Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

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Money can’t buy friends, but you can get a better class of enemy.

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