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I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)

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Myself Sick Yourself

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Animal Worth
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Form Happiness Misery Money Yourself
My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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Father Greatness Himself Inspirational Mad
I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Beginning Book Funny Myself Poem Reading
Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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Clothes Order Perfection Work
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Connection Funny God Himself Light Wait
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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Born Death Myself People
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Sea Sick Tree
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
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Occasion Protection
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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Beautiful Eyes
In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Farm Hands Himself Wife
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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Come Myself Quiet
We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Car Carry Love Relationship Sex Vehicle
Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Class Expectation Morning Yourself
If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
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Alive Kill Myself Promise Yourself
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN

Coward Hero Legs Myself

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