A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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My father was my greatest inspiration. He was a lunatic.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
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A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
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Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m a hero with coward’s legs.
SPIKE MILLIGAN