In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
SPIKE MILLIGANI told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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Policemen are numbered in case they get lost.
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My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
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And God said, ‘Let there be light’ and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
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Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
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God made night, But man made darkness.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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I told you I was sick.
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Any man can be 62, but it takes a bus to be 62A.
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I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
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I can speak Esperanto like a native.
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Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order.
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
SPIKE MILLIGAN