Aristocrats have heirs; the poor have children; the rest keep dogs.
SPIKE MILLIGANIts all in the mind, you know.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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There are holes in the sky Where the rain gets in, But they’re ever so small That’s why rain is thin.
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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A bird in The Strand is worth two in Shepherds Bush.
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Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
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Never return to a doctor whose office plants have died. After five days in hospital, I took a turn for the nurse.
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This silent call you make, A silence so loud I fear the world knows it’s meaning If you fill every corner of a room Where can I look? If I close my eyes the silence becomes louder! There is no escape from you The only way out is in
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Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
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I told you I was sick.
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It was a perfect marrige. She didn`t want to and he couldn`t
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If I don’t eat soon, I’ll die of hunger; and if I die, I won’t eat soon.
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I thought I’d begin by reading a poem by Shakespeare, but then I thought, why should I? He never reads any of mine.
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Blessed are the cracked, for they let in the light.
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Only on the third class tourist class passengers’ deck was it a sultry overcast morning, but then if you do things on the cheap you must expect these things.
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Education isn’t everything, for a start it isn’t an elephant.
SPIKE MILLIGAN