To Harry Secombe: I hope you die first as I don’t want you singing at my funeral.
SPIKE MILLIGANIts all in the mind, you know.
More Spike Milligan Quotes
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In India a farmhand was caught in the act with his cow. He said he had bad eyesight and thought it was his wife.
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Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I cannot stand being awake, the pain is too much.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I spent many years laughing at Harry Secombe’s singing until somebody told me that it wasn’t a joke.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Contraceptives should be used on every conceivable occasion.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I told you I was ill. (On his headstone)
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
Listen, someone’s screaming in agony- fortunately I speak it fluently.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I’m Irish. We think sideways.
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My father confused me. From the ages of one to seven, I thought my name was Jesus Christ!
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If you kill me, I promise you – you will never take me alive.
SPIKE MILLIGAN -
I have the body of an eighteen year old. I keep it in the fridge.
SPIKE MILLIGAN